Not very encouraging for a return journal but it's something I've been contemplating for sometime. This would've gone up much sooner but a lot of personal events have gone on in my life the past few weeks, and then with the recent passing on Michael Jackson... ....

Anyway, the reason I vanished is because I've been fighting what I suspsect is unconfirmed seasonal affective disorder. Before accusations of my Wikipedia self-diagnosis come flying, this is a condition I've been going through for over a decade. Every summer, I'm more prone to lengthy spouts of depression. This year is particularly bad, due to being unemployed for what is now over the third month running: Damn Recession. I'm not looking for sympathy here, although some will probably garner that I'm just being a melodramatic attention-seeker from reading this anyway; wouldn't be the first time...

To try and fight off such feelings, I've undertaken a long-distance games design course and I was thinking about perhaps doing some commissions, on and off. But I do not think I am able to participate on DeviantArt anymore. What was once a hobby has now become a chore. I no longer derive any pleasure from doing artwok for free, because I feel under pressure to always produce high quality stuff. Hence why it's taking me so long to draw UEIE and Infurlation. I feel under constant competition compared to everyone else... and in some cases, I've admitted to being jealous of other people (not just art-wise but lifestyle-wise, etc), aloof, arrogant, spiteful, letting my overinflated ego run away with me, although I'm very careful not to actually say all this (at least, I hope so). Very childish and immature of me, I know. Those who know my reaction to Nordguard (Blotch's next project) know very well. I get extremely selfish when I'm depressed.

I've spoken with a lot of close correspondents about this, but I don't see any other option than to just drop DA altogether. I've been avoiding the place like the plague on some really bad days, hence the lack of comments and replies and notes or anything. I'm very very sorry.

I'm still as of yet undecided as to what to do. Self-confidence and convictions in my judgement are not my strong points... and summer is really not a very good time of year for me at all. I feel guilty about confessing all of this, because who on earth would want to read yet another emo-style journal anyways?

But I can't lie anymore. I'm afraid it's looking very likely I'll be closing up shop on DA for good. No one renew my subscription please, because I don't even know if it'll be worth it in the end.

Anyway, I'll stop whinging.

My esteemed thanks to everybody who's contributed to my 60,000 page views. I really appreciate that a lot. My thoughts and regards to all, especially my closest batch of friends who've had to put up with so so much this year, especially since March.

Due to recent events, I will be taking a noticeable leave of absence from DA for a while and all artwork is on hold until further notice.

My sincerest apologies.

A poorly executed pun but I’m fresh out of ideas at the moment. That’s pretty obvious when the best tentative title I had come up with otherwise was “Round We Go Round the Month-Berry Bush.” And I’ve not got the excuse of writing the episode dub-titles for Pokémon: Galactic Battles.

Perhaps I’m out-of-sorts because I’m not June’s biggest fan. I mean, it’s named after the Roman goddess of marriage, Juno. And in England, June’s flower is the rose... then there’s Father Day and Trooping the Colour (especially poignant as it’s a D-Day anniversary thing. No disrespect to the veterans of course)... oh, whatever. We’re halfway through 2009 and that means we’re all sailing on the winds of change. Something I'm not very good at dealing with, as those who know me very well have had to recently endure.
A long-distance course in video games design, a possibility of my getting noticed by possible big-time commissioners, me about ready to start doing smaller furry commissions (NOT YET so no hounding please!), hints of a long-term job on the horizon, driving lessons almost at an end with my final test booked, plus the fact it’s now been over two years since I’ve been furry... it’s all been a bit overwhelming but I shouldn’t really look a gift horse (or horses) in the mouth. After many a roundabout discussion and a lot of emotion (yes, yes, I’m one of those men who aren’t afraid to cry), I’m glad my life is the way it is. Originally, this journal was just going to be another dreaded moan fest... but bah, there’s enough of that in the real world (politics especially). My heartfelt thanks to everyone who’s supported me and a lot more besides. I just wish I had more interesting stuff to write about but I’m rather boring at the moment.
My apologies to those patiently awaiting more artwork, including the end of UEIE and Infurlation; I’m only one man and can only work so fast. A slight bugbear of mine is how much time I have to spend on colouring, something that puts me off many a sketch. But as it’s been drilled into my head recently, it’s my hand doing the artwork so I should do whatever feels right for me, including posting up line-art and things... then again, is that being too conceited? To quote the actor Alan Rickman (plays Severus Snape in the Harry Potter movies, but was also an angel in Dogma, the only one to reveal his wings, albeit sardonically): “I've never been able to plan my life. I just lurch from indecision to indecision.” Perhaps that’s me now. Of course, at the time of writing this, I’m recovering from a sudden bout of man-flu, so maybe things’ll look sharper and clearer once my brain stops spin-cycling.

I’ll bear William Shakespeare’s advice in mind during the intermission: “Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt...”

For those who ain't fallen asleep yet, take care everybody!

P.S. My most heartfelt thanks to everyone who's contributed to whatever amount of pageviews I've got nowadays over the past two years. :3